July 11, 2022

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Never Force Anything with Anyone

The things I could tell from behind my desk as a professional dating coach!

Have you ever been in a relationship or “situationship” where you’re doing all the heavy lifting? Well, haven’t we all!

The thing is, while you think you’re trying to make the relationship or whatever you’ve got going work, the other person never really seems interested in putting in any effort. In a nutshell, you’re forcing things!

One of the worst feelings in life is thinking that a relationship is headed toward the right place when the truth is that you’re on the way to an imaginary destination on your own!

As wholesome as relationships can be, the truth is that they take a lot of work and effort on both sides.

Even couples that seem to have it all put in lots of work, time, and effort to make it work.

However, what most of us don’t realize is that putting in too much work is possible!

If you and your crush or partner are meant to be, you shouldn’t have to force things.

Here’s what forcing things could look like:

  • One or both of you feel like you’re putting in too much effort to make the relationship work
  • You feel stuck in the relationship and your needs aren’t being met
  • The relationship feels like it’s a struggle and you’re constantly competing with different perspectives and needs in the absence of compromise

*Just about everyone dates at some point in their life, yet few really understand what they’re doing or how to get the best results. To learn how understanding neurobiology and attachment style can help you find your ideal mate I reccomend Wired For Dating by Johnathan Yen.

Most times, if you’re in such a relationship, things will never work out.

The truth is that it’s not possible to make someone love you. Relationships don’t work that way.

As a professional matchmaker and dating coach, I can tell you that there are things you can do to make yourself look and appear to be more attractive.

However, the best thing you can ever do for yourself is to be a confident person that is comfortable with who they are.

When you keep chasing people that don’t care about you or your needs, you make yourself look desperate. Desperation is not attractive.

Maybe it’s not the right time to pursue a relationship with this person, maybe they need to see you go so they can realize what they’re missing in their life once you’re out of the picture.

Whatever it is, save your energy and get yourself out of that situation, because by the time the other person sees the value you bring, you will be tired from chasing them and ready to move on.

Save yourself the energy, time, and commitment you’re bringing to a space where the same isn’t reciprocated.

There are other people who would value your presence, effort, and commitment. It’s ok to transfer it to them instead of allowing someone else to put you on standby.

Before you even mention it, forcing is not determination. These are two different concepts.

When you’re determined to make a relationship work, both parties have a common goal in mind and play their part.

Forcing only makes people feel more frustrated when they realize that they’re the only ones doing their part.


Looking for more help on dating and relationships? Read my other articles under Dating/Relationship, Making& Maintaining a Connection and Matchmaking.

If you would like to discover more to help you on your journey of finding love, I’ve created a FREE Success Guide to dating to help you. If you would like to learn more send me an email or schedule a call and I’ll be happy to help.

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